Dealing With an Alcoholic Husband

I am a mother of 2 teenagers and have been married for almost 22 years. My husband is a devoted father/husband. He is a Christian and a member of the local Baptist church w/me and the kids. He is a Funeral Director and very respected by our community - especially by our church members because of his ability to deal with families in their time of sorrow.

However, I am convinced he's an alcoholic. I'm not sure what defines one as an alcoholic. But my husband has been a drinker since he got out of high school. He mainly drinks beer, but also has started drinking rum. As soon as he walks in the door from work, he's got a 12 pack (at minimum) and starts w/his first beer before he even gets out of his work clothes. Most week nights, he stays sober . . but it really depends on what kind of day he has had at work.

This has always been a challenge in our marriage - he and I have had many conversations, arguments, disagreements in our 22 years because of his drinking. But now my children are very aware of their fathers behavior and are disgusted by it (Praise God for that). Recently, things have seemed to get much worse . . that is, he spends most of the weekends getting drunk. He is NEVER abusive - at least not physically. He does get "mouthy" so I consider him to be verbally abusive. But the next morning, he's back to being the devoted father/husband that I love him for.

I understand that his line of work can be very challenging and that there are days when he just wants to have a beer and relax. But, with him, it's every day and it's more than 1 beer . . or 2 or 3.

As a Christian woman, how do I deal with this? I don't want to walk out - although I have thought about it many times. He always promises to be better, but it never happens. He is now alienating his children because of his drinking. They find it hard to have respect for him because of his drinking. It also leaves them confused because he claims to be a Christian (is a good tither) - but then spends his evenings/weekends drinking.

I have prayed and prayed about this . . and I know that God hears my prayers. God is dealing w/me in all of this as well. I have many times wanted to go talk to my pastor or a seasoned Christian to get answers. But, for one thing, I am too ashamed to admit this to anyone I know. Our families have no idea he lives this kind of life. We were both brought up in Baptist homes (my father was a minister, his father a deacon) so it would have devastated them to know his lifestyle. The other problem I face is that our pastor and entire church staff know him and highly respect him as a Funeral Director.

Satan has been tempting me w/things to 'get back at him'. I have struggled with that a lot. My husband continually hurts me with his drinking, why shouldn't I hurt him? But I know this isn't the answer. I am hanging onto God as much as I can, and don't want to let Satan tempt me to do something I would regret.

So, what do I do? I don't want to live this way and have told him that. He knows that he puts me through a lot, but he continues to choose the alcohol. I have no doubt in my mind that he is faithful to me and loves me dearly. But, as I tell him, it seems he loves the alcohol more.
I appreciate any advice/guidance you can give!

Sharon,
Texas

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