Saddened by End of a Relationship

Hello there,

I'm 21 years old and I have just come out of a 2 year courtship.
I don't want to go into detail with how it ended. It just ended due to the other person having eyes for another girl and being misguided by the Holy Spirit.

I know God has a plan...but in this present moment it's so hard to see. It happened 2 months ago, and I don't know why I still cry sometimes. This was my first GODLY relationship, but it ended as though it was just another secular relationship.
I will be upfront and honest, I still love the guy! It tears me apart that I do. I pray every day for God to take my heart and my love and do away with it. But it's still there.

I cannot understand why it ended, God doesn't really owe me an explanation either. I mean already opportunities have been opening up in the business and ministry sector which are beyond me...but sometimes I still cry myself to sleep.

I have these tormenting dreams also, I can't handle them! Just dreams of him and his new girlfriend. I am a lot more in the Word but sometimes I do not know if it is doing anything.

I know God wants to test my loyalty to Him, but sometimes I feel like saying "God give me a break just for a moment...I'm actually tired. Or I need you to come down from Heaven right now and give me personally in my hand supernatural strenghth and joy".

I just want to endure this thing what God is doing- and endure it with joy.

Any feedback would be great. And I actually just wanted someone to talk to!

Beverly O.,
United Kingdom