Ashamed

I am searching for woman of faith. I need words of God that will encourage me and begin to direct me towards the light.I have been a sinner my whole life. I have always thrown myself to men, and allowed them to do whatever they wanted with me because I thought that's all I had to offer. I have always hated everything about me (inside and outside).

I ended a 17 year abusive marriage, and just ended a 2 1/2 year affair with a married man, not by my choice. But, somehow God has come into my head and into my life and told me that I have one more chance to get my life in order with Him.I am struggling with this affair addicition. I am struggling with being a single sole financial provider for 3 kids. I am struggling with my emotions and everything else in my life. I need help!

I want to repent my affair, and I don't know, I don't feel remorse in my heart - how awful does that sound. I want to repent of my sins and the life style I have lived. For the first time in my life, I want to be a "true" child of God. I want to be an honorable woman and mom. I want to honor myself. I don't know how to begin the repent process and begin a walk with God. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I MUST DO. Will God listen to me even though I have lust in my heart? I want to change - I really do! HELP ME PLEASE.

Sincerely,
Ashamed