Abstinence Help

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been very good for a long time about abstaining from any type of intimate activity. We started courting about four years ago. Both coming from a Christian perspective, it was an easy decision not to be intimate. We both wear purity promise rings and everything. However, when we went to college, it became harder to keep accountable. He has always been pretty strong, but lets face it, when he looks at my pouty face he has a hard time saying no. Here is the hard part. I have a bad past. I have always been a good Christian girl, but a large part of my family is not, and I have been taken advantage of sexually multiple times by different family members at a very young age. This has haunted me for so long. I remained a virgin still, though I was quick to make out with guys and let them touch me and such in middle school and early high school. Then I got serious about God. I decided to stop going out with guys until God led me to the right one. Later I met "J". He had long ago made that same decision. We were best friends for two years, and then realized that we cared deeply for each other. We began praying about what God wanted for each of us, and came to the conclusion that we could begin a courtship. I wasn't ready for a strict courtship, meaning supervised dates and such, so I convinced him that that was okay. Like I said, for a while it was, but at college we were busy with school so much that when we did see each other it had a tendency to be kinda heated. It started slow and eventually we did have intercourse. All along after each encounter (even make-out times) we would ask for forgiveness and say we were sorry to each other and promise not to do it again. Well, I am starting to think something is wrong with me. I love God with all of my heart, and want so much to never again have an intimate time until "J" and I are married, but it seems like I’m missing something. I find myself attempting to seduce him into "loving me" even though in my heart of hearts I know I don't need that, and that he does love me. I just hear Satan saying that I need to have him look at me one more time, and I get hurt when he turns me down. I feel rejected, worthless, un-pretty, unwanted, undesired. I know that is not the case, but Satan just keeps playing on my past (low self esteem). I want him to shut up. I don't want to have to make such stringent rules like me not being allowed in his apartment at all. Maybe I could just leave the door open. I’m so torn. I know if we keep this up, God is never going to approve of us getting married (that's why we aren't engaged yet-he is waiting on 's release). But at the same time, I long so for that life with him, that I love to be with him in his home (like a wife would be). Does anyone have any words of wisdom other than just a complete cut off from him? HELP!